hospital room memories

death inspires me like a dog inspires a rabbit -twenty one pilots

the first time i remember feeling the urge to create was when i was around twelve years old.

a priest from the church my family attended, a beloved friend of ours, was suffering from cancer of some kind, and my family and i were going to visit him. my brother and i walked side by side through the hallways of the medical center, each of us carrying a lovely bouquet of paper cherry blossoms we had made the day before. i was experiencing an inescapable feeling of utter dread, and i couldn’t understand why. as we walked into the hospital room, i suddenly realized. i was face to face with the world’s greatest fear: death. our friend was dying. 

as i waited for my brain to fully take in the situation, i looked around. i observed all the tiny, minuscule details of that little hospital room and collected them like wildflowers in the wicker basket of my mind. then, when i returned home, i began to draw. it wasn’t anything spectacular or out of the ordinary, but it was beautifully simplistic. it was my memory: the hospital equipment, the flowers spilling over the bedside table, the window looking out onto the medical campus, a small helicopter coming in to land. and in the center of it all was the mere outline of a broken man, because i hadn’t been able to look at him. it was a representation of my mind, my thoughts, me. (i have since burned the picture) but i still remember it vividly.

art becomes a language when we can’t put things into words.

Published by -doodle-

a bit odd, band-obsessed, likes to think they're cool when they're probably not. digital artist/cartoonist. overthinks a lot.

3 thoughts on “hospital room memories

  1. oh my goodness this whole time I thought I was following your blog but for some reason i haven’t been getting your posts in my reader or email? I’m so glad I found it again!
    anyways, this is amazing. I also have that fear – not exactly of death but more of eternity – and I felt this so much. it’s amazing that it inspired art in you – that’s such a wonderful gift ❤️
    also – it’s rare to see someone mention a priest on the internet so i was wondering if you are Catholic? I am 🙂
    power to the local dreamer ||-//

    Liked by 1 person

    1. well thank you so much for your follow! ah, i think all these kinds of fears can fall under the umbrella of “fear of the unknown”. we live in a world where we can’t ever quite know what’s going to happen next, and i think that may be the scariest thing about it. thank you, inspiration can swoop in at the oddest moments, huh?
      yes, i am a Catholic! it’s so good to meet another Catholic my age with such cool thoughts and ideas. when i joined this site i never imagined you could meet so many lovely people here! ||-//

      Liked by 1 person

      1. no problem! i’m so glad i *actually* followed you this time!
        that’s so true … ‘fear of the unknown’ is the perfect description. i’m sure that with time and grace it’ll become something i can face better ❤ and yes… inspiration is one of the most mysterious and wonderful things at the same time. i don't think i'll ever quite understand how it works XD
        and that's so awesome! you're only the second Catholic teen blogger i've ever met on here – that's so cool :)) wordpress really is the most amazing place to meet people because you can find people who share so many similarities – a love of writing, designing, twenty one pilots!!, God … all in one :)) i'm so glad i joined the community and met you and so many people i wouldn't have ever heard of otherwise ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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